Swine flu. Run for my life!
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
