Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
