The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
