Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
