i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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