If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
