Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
