we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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