She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
We are all done wearing pants today
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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