I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
