He disabled his match.com account in front of me
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
