Tell her she can't have a vagina
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
