you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
