Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
