i permit you to call me
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
