I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
