I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
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Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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