my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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