Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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