i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
