Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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