well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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