i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
