If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
