Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
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