I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
