I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
