dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize