We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
