after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
