we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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