I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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