i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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