What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
no, he came in my armpit
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
