I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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