You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
