I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
