I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
