He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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