I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I'm really busy with my period
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