What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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