therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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