He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I will be naked everywhere
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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