On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Randomize
