I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
