When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
