i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
