What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
