Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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