question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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