as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
