Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
