I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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