I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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