i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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