ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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