idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
