On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
