We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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