I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
