Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
