Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
