please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
no you cant smoke seaweed
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
