Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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