did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
