Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
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