Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
