It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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