Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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