I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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