We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Randomize
