i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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