i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
false alarm, still single
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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