your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
