So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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