We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize