Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
